A Few Commandments...

I suppose it's been about thirty years since I did any real software development.  

Yes, I worked with/for/in support of some real software developers, did some work in various tools that produced software-like results, and learned a fair bit about computering around in general.

Mind you, my childhood was bereft of those machines.  I mean, if you listen to my children, I apparently pre-dated Dirt 1.0.  I may have been around for Rock, 2.0, but I certainly was too old to care when Rock 3.1 arrived on the scene.  If they tell the tale.

But I do recall a number of conversations over the years - some with other IT professionals, some with people who wandered into the computer room by accident, and some with end users whom I was tasked with supporting.  And I did develop some internal rules, er, commandments, when it came to software in general.

I did come to the conclusion that it was acceptable to flash entire full-screen messages on people's desktops when certain key events were occurring.  The lowest priority message I was allowed to use that for was that the building the occupant was currently in was on fire.  Beyond that, it was rather widely agreed that if the Second Coming had been determined to be actually occurring at the very instant, that was also OK.  Beyond that, changing focus, stealing the mouse pointer, or overriding the user's current window choice was something that, it was rather widely agreed, was something that, absent extreme emergencies, one should be punished by placing one's testicles - assuming this was a male who did this sort of heinous behavior - on what was called a "kicking tee" and waiting for a professional athlete who plays a sport and/or position where kicking is involved to give their best effort to kick said squishy bits a minimum of twenty times.  

In the unlikely event that the former possessor of said testicles survives the first twenty attempts, one might then be offered the opportunity to function as a golf tee...  'nuff said.

Or to put it in other words, there are some things that some idiot, somewhere, thought might someday be a good idea, but the idiot was wrong, was not stopped, and this software defect made it into the wider world.

That's right, kids, some dipshit thought that options like that would be helpful, useful, and cool.  I, personally, regret not knowing the name of this individual as I would, at least once a day, use that person's name as the ultimate bit of profanity each and every morning that, while I am in the middle of logging onto my work computer and getting connected to the various bits of software I am required to use, halfway through typing in one of six passwords I need to enter, the screen focus shifts, and I get a notice that my attempt to log in failed.  Oh, and that was strike 2.  Our systems helpfully offer you three opportunities before you get to spend a half-hour waiting to speak to the very helpful help desk, getting your accounts unlocked.

Yeah, so how was your day?  I know, I know.  A little less bile from me would be helpful. But it seems being annoyed may well be my superpower.  That, or my stupid.  One of the two.  I've been married for 31 years, so you pick.  

My lovely wife was, thankfully, momentarily bereft of common sense when I asked her if she'd be willing to spend the rest of her life with me.  She said yes.  And while I'm thrilled, she's currently enduring a life sentence.  I'm blessed, she's afflicted.  That's kinda how it goes.  I do enjoy my time with her, but I'm sure that, if she ever comes to her senses and realize what I've done to her, well, let's just say there's nowhere near enough planet for me to hide on.  Even if we were on Jupiter.  

And so, on that pleasant note, I'm off like a herd of turtles...  Again.