RenFest 2022, Part II

Yup, I remembered.  

I suppose it wouldn't be a bad idea to share a number of insights I've gained from all of these years attending the place.  

So should you be of a mind to attend the Minnesota Renaissance Festival in Shakopee Minnesota, I'd like to drop the following suggestions into your brain hopper for things to think about.

First off is tickets.  Renfest is pretty spendy at the gate.  This year, it's something like $27.95 to buy a ticket at the gate booth.  If you're coming from a few miles away, check out a number of local options for discounted tickets.  If you buy them before you get there, this year, they're about $4 cheaper.  Each.  Which is a good deal.  They also offer on-line sales, and they do have weekend passes.  I'm highly prejudiced here, and I live not all that far from the grounds, so I'm lucky.  I would recommend, if you like to go and go often, the "Season Pass" is an excellent deal.  This year's adult pass was about $110, purchased at the gate last year when we left.  This "limited time discount price" stayed that way through March of this year, so you DO NOT need to buy them as you leave.  The way I look at it, the $110 means that I need to make roughly four visits, over the 16 days of the festival, for it to be worth it.  I've gone out five times this year so far, not counting the times I got on the grounds, saw the parking, and left (note: Yesterday, keep reading).

So you do you.  But I'd recommend getting tickets ahead of time.  There are plenty of lines out at Renfest (typically for food and drink), so eliminating every line you need to stand in is a good idea.  And side note number one of probably seventy or so - should you purchase that season pass, there is one line you'll need to wait in, if it exists at all.  At the very same ticket booth everyone queues up for to buy tickets, there's a side window with a "Will Call" sign above it.  With a season pass, go there.  If it's your first visit of the season, they will hand you the annual "Medallion" which is a very nice reminder of the year.  You'll also get a paper ticket.  You can't get in until that paper ticket is ripped in half and they keep their part.  

The medallion is a wonderful souvenir, but it also MIGHT get you some discounts at certain vendors.  No guarantees, no certainty, but you do get a lot of attention if you wear it.  It comes on a ribbon to put around your neck, so you do get to feel pretty special.  And not in a short bus sort of way.

But then, another bit of preparation, which should probably start months or YEARS before you attend is being in fairly decent shape.   I do admit pear-shaped is a shape, thought it's not much for ... a day of walking.  I do not have exact stats, but I do have a fairly reliable measure based on my wife's step-tracking app on her phone.  The grounds are, if you simply go around the exterior path, about a mile and a half.  This doesn't include the dodging running children or groups standing and chatting, or around the various interior sections.  So be very prepared for a long day of walking.  

One other item of note would probably be cash.  As in get some.  Most of the vendors will accept, as it goes in signs in just about every booth, "Lord Mastercard or Lady Visa".  Some will also accept "Cards from the land of Discover".  I have never seen a shop which accepts American Express.  Most of the food places, though, do not accept cards, they're cash only.  So be prepared, and yes, you should tip.  Not speaking from just the fact that I once had a daughter working on the grounds as a food vendor, but because the food folks work pretty damned hard, the places they work in are NOT air conditioned, they're working next to some pretty hot devices, things can get pretty oppressive.  Yeah.  Been there on a day when it's in the 80s.  Not fun.  

The last preparation note I'd add would be to grab a cooler, and a few days before you plan to go, toss some water bottles in your freezer.  The morning you head out, toss them and other water bottles/Sport drinks into the cooler and expect to leave it in the car.  They do not allow outside food and drink onto the Renfest grounds unless you have small children, and it's limited then, too, but you're going to be pretty well dried out by the time you finish your day.  And we'll get into this in a bit, but it's darned nice to be able to count on being able to hydrate when you get back to the car at the end of the day.  Which may not be the END end, but it's the beginning of the end.

So there we are - be ready for lots of walking, good shoes, bring a backpack with a hat, light jacket, rain gear, and extra space for purchases.  Yes, I'm advising you.  Should you choose to costume up, feel free.  They do encourage that sort of thing, but you do need to be aware that extremely ornate costumes aren't going to stand out - but you're going to have limited spots to sit.  So be prepared.  And should your costume require any sort of item which might be considered a weapon, note that every single edged weapon must be "Peace bound" - which these days means a couple of zip ties to make sure you don't draw the sword.  

Know, also, that the Renfest environment is pretty welcoming to any level or sort of geek.  Sure, Lord of The Rings costumes can be worn, or purchased, all the way down to Elf Ears and any weapons you need.  Many shops out there do have various bits of kit, costume-wise, down to, but not including footwear.  Yeah, that's the one sort of clothing item I've not yet seen in 40 years.  Not saying it was never there, just saying if there were boot and footwear vendors I have not seen them, and I've made a pretty solid study of the place.

I've also seen all manner of video game-related costumes.  I was never fully into the video game world after the Atari 2600, so the girls (usually, but not exclusively) who wear these sort of mushroom hats which have various colors of fabric and white dots are all over.  One week I saw a young fellow - my guess would be early-to-mid-teens - carrying a five-foot sword.  No, not the dangerous sort.  This appeared to be mostly cardboard and duct tape, able to cut some, but not all, snow drifts, winds, and potentially some ... fog.  No guarantees.  This was most definitely on the cartoon side of "sword" so I expect he was simply paying homage to one of his favorite video game characters.

I've seen Star Trek uniforms, I once did see a fellow who appeared to walk a very fine fence line somewhere over near the Steampunk/Borg vicinity, but there are plenty of different costumes.  So if you like that sort of thing, definitely feel free. 

But now as we get to the day of the event, we should probably start on top.   If you pre-bought tickets, make damned certain they are in your vehicle before you leave home.  Make sure you've got everyone, everyone's got fully charged phones, a few power banks wouldn't be a bad idea for those family members who live on their phones, the cooler, and stuff to do in the car, with light and limited light.  Then head on to that spot southwest of Shakopee along 169.

Last pre-departure note - LEAVE EARLY.  You will wait in lines.  The quickest way to ruin a Renfest day is to find yourself in a 2 1/2 hour traffic backup, followed by a mile long walk to get to the gate, 3 trips around the grounds give you  about 5 miles, give or take, plus the longest mile BACK to the car, followed by another hour and a half getting off the grounds.  Be well-rested, be prepared.

Getting there: As noted, I've been going for a while.  First few years I was coming from the St. Cloud area.  For about the last 32, I've been coming from the Burnsville/Savage area.  I've dug through a lot of country roads, so I do know a few tricks.  But there are also metrobus - that is, public transit - rides from a number of locations to the grounds.  I've never taken one of these shuttles onto the grounds, and I can assure you that there are no "quick ways in" even if using public transit.  However, leaving the driving to someone else is always an excellent option.  Currently, the MVTA (them that run the buses) offer a $3 round trip from their lot in Shakopee along Marschall Road to the grounds, and back.  And if you take that, and haven't picked up a ticket yet, you do get a $5 off coupon from the bus driver.  So there's a valid option, one I'm definitely going to investigate.

From the NORTH: Yes, you can take 35W to highway 13 West, take that to where it merges with 169 South, and follow that.  That is by far the easiest route to go, but as it's the easy way in, it's also the first that clogs up pretty tight.  As in bumper-to-bumper backups 3 and 4 miles long, which can take 2 hours or longer to reach the grounds.  There will be plenty of road signs letting you know, but once you see signs for and buildings closer to the road for Shakopee, get into the right lane.  Traffic will slow around the Old Brick Road exit if things are bad, if you're early enough, you might get quite further down the road.  Keep an eye out, but don't yet take the County Road 41 exit unless things are really backed up.

If you are Northwest-ish, you can also take 169, which is where you want to be anyway, through Bloomington/Eden Prairie (it skirts the border) across the river and head south.  It's an excellent option, if you like traffic.  There will be a lot of people with you.  

If you are desperate, need a potty break, fuel, food, or just a break that County Road 41 exit will likely be backed up, but it also has a Holiday Station Store on the north east side of the intersection.  It takes a little work to get to, but it's the closest "commercial" bathroom and fuel stop to the fair.  So it's going to be busy.  There are stops in Burnsville and Savage, though if you need fuel, your options are pretty limited.  There's a fuel stop on County Road 5, the first exit you get to when heading west on Highway 13 from I35, there's a BP with rather high prices in downtown Savage, right along 13, and that's pretty much the end of the easy options.

If you are coming from the west, as in any place west of Shakopee, your very best bet is to work your way south first, then head east towards Shakopee.  If you're coming from the northwest, as I did for so many years, the best route I found from, say, St. Cloud was to take I94 down to Maple Grove where the highway splits into the beltway around the Twin Cities.  Take 494, which covers the western side of the Twin Cities, all the way down to Eden Prairie, then take highway 212 West.  Follow that to County Road 41, in Chaska, and take that south.  As you cross the river and come out of the nature reserve, you'll likely see the traffic or the signs for the "rear" or "Queen's Gate" entrance.  That's a valid option, too.

If you're coming from the South, I did find a bit of a trick a few weeks ago which does tend to work well.  If you come up I-35, take the I-35E and the very first exit once the two roads split.  That would be County Road 42.  It's pretty much straight through the commercial heart of Burnsville, past Burnsville Center, and plenty of options for fuel and stocking up.  There are a number of stations which may still have discount tickets, depending on how close you are to the end of the festival.  Once you get on County 42, which is also 140th Street, follow it to the bitter end.  It comes to a T with Marschall Road.  You want to take a left and head South on that road. For a little while.  There are two little roads which turn to the right off Marschall as you head south, you want the third one, which is just after the road starts to curve east.  It's 150th Street, also known as County Road 14.  

The great news is that's pretty much a straight shot.  Last weekend when we took it, there was LITERALLY no one on that route, all the way out to the grounds.  The bad news is it isn't as good a secret as I thought it was.  This weekend it was backed up 3 miles from the Sever's Corn maze, which is still a good mile and a half from the Renfest grounds.  All of it bumper-to-bumper traffic.  We tried a go-around, and ended up sitting in a mile-long backup to get into the mile and a half to get onto the grounds.  

So anyway, getting on the grounds, I would recommend the best time to get into the backups is between 8 and 9:30 am.  The festival grounds OFFICIALLY open at 9 am, but there are plenty of things happening already around 8.  Some shops may not be open, most are, because during the festival, some folks can stay on the grounds in a tent camp, others live in their motor homes while on site, so they're ready to go. 

But now that you've got a parking spot, there's a big reason you want to be in the King's lot - that's the south lot.  This lot has school buses continually cycling through the lot.  Early in the day much of the traffic is in-bound, so you can hop a school bus, be reminded just how small a person you used to be, then get a bus right right up to the main gate.  This is definitely the way to go.  If you decide to walk the entire way, be prepared.  Back about ten or so years ago, the aggregate miners who are digging the ground up around the Renfest grounds dug a trench right across the "great" end of the parking lot, destroying several hundred "close up" spots, and placing a canyon about 20 feet deep across your way to the main gates.  It also destroyed the rather spectacular view you had coming to the gates from just about anywhere in the King's lot.  You could see them all the way across the grounds.  

Problem now is that there has to be a rather significant amount of brush grown on the edge of the "canyon" to resist any additional land collapse into the canyon, which leaves room for handicapped parking close to the gate, and the bus stop area.  And that brush is tall.

But that's the front door.  Some years ago, they decided to open up what was long known as the "Staff Lot" for additional parking, and they added some additional room.  Which made it the Queen's Gate.  It's nowhere near as grand as coming through the King's Gate, you sneak in between a stage and a block of shops, but the wait close to the gate is much nicer and cooler and shaded, and the walk can be significantly shorter.  The down side for the Queen's gate is there are no buses to the lot offered.  You're hoofing it all the way in and out.  And I have been more than a mile from that gate.  Yesterday, cars were parked even further out than that.  So that was a bit of a problem, too.  

But as you head towards your fest entry, we should go over a few ground rules.  First rule is BE NICE.  You may have just spent two and a half hours waiting to get out of the car, as did a lot of other people.  So everyone knows that pain, you're not special in that regard.  And you ARE in Minnesota.  We try our darndest to be nice to folks, whether or not they're from here.  If you wish to be a real jerk, well, we might chalk it up to a character you're trying to play, or we're also likely to ignore you, until we're behind you, then we talk about you, your ancestors, and the rather unfortunate problem with your genitals and your lower IQ.  But we only do that to people who turn out to be real jerks.  So you've been warned.  Otherwise, we're really nice folks.  

Second rule is, should you be one of those folks who has chosen to dress up, good on you.  BUT: Be fully warned that if someone asks to take a selfie with you or anything like that, YOU CANNOT ACCEPT PAYMENT.  That is, you cannot request folding cash or any other compensation for the privilege of your image.  If you'd rather not be in their picture, go ahead, defer.  But do not request money or food or anything.  I've not seen many folks ejected from the festival.  Those that I have were deliberately deceiving people and asking for donations for a non-existent group (cheeky, that), harassing people (notably a young lady in a rather extensive costume which did display some of her exceptionally impressive assets which were, undoubtedly by this time, likely to fall over and sink in a swamp), and just generally grossly intoxicated and behaving poorly.

And yeah, one note I overlooked about parking.  Sure, there might be a space open further up.  Or you might decide that particular spot might just work  for you.  Don't count on it.  That is, I have seen tow trucks on the grounds take cars from a prohibited location and move them into the parking lot.  So think about it - you think you're going to have trouble finding your car after a long day out there, just think how hard it might be when it's been towed from that sweet up-close spot you thought you found, a mile further back, in an entirely different block, and yeah, you've had a few.  And it's been eight hours.  So yes, I expect that some folks were absolutely utterly pissed when they couldn't find their vehicle.  Don't count on being able to get away with it.   

Last rule - remember that each and every shop you go into is being staffed by someone who may have been hired by the person who made the item you're staring at - or they may be the artist themselves.  Or they may be the children of the person who came up with the idea to start the business, or they're the third or fifth generation doing the business.  All of it works.  But you will end up undoubtedly speaking directly to the person who made that pretty thing you've absolutely got to have.  While haggling can be fun, remember you're also likely talking to the person who made the item, they're quite talented, and really there to enjoy the day too.  So be a decent human being.  

All right.  Next, and most likely last installment, will be a tour around the grounds. Wait, yes, that's right, it will likely be up too late for you to use in 2022...  That's all right.  2023 will be here soon enough...